My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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