no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
