im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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