Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
