apparently the secret to your success is patron
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
