is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
