That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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