he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
