i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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