he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
