i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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