Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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