your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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