lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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