Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
