sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
