If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
