It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
