Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
