I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
