I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
