that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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