I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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