i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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