i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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