i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
