Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
