I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
