I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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