So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
