Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
