we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
