A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
