Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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