So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
two words: eviction party
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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