Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
