You really coming over, don't trick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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