i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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