Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
