TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
