WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
