Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
