I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
