Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How's work?
Spinning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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