dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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