So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
