She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
