i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
