Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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