hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
