My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
