i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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