now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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