The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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