Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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