There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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