the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
even my farts smell like vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
