3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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