using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
