Say something about gay babies.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Randomize
