she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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