omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
