Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
