Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
