forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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