does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
