I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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