Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
