Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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