just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
