This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
