we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
