no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
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