Well douche your snatch and let's go!
barbara walters just said penis...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
