i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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