No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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