i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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