the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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