Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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